Emotional Abuse

I am just coming to the realization that my husband is emotionally abusive.  I am pretty amazed that I never realized this.  Part of the issue is that I had no true model of what a loving relationship looks like. And while I knew intellectually that his behavior was "off" at best, I never thought it was abusive at worst.  Because, how could it be?  Someone doesn't invite you to spend the rest of their life with you to abuse you emotionally, right?  Especially since they didn't treat you like that during your courtship.  And, of course, I believed that he actually loved me.  And that meant that, ultimately, he was just having a bad day (because the behavior was well spread out), or a justifiable reaction to something, or even an over the top reaction, but, hey, we're different.  Not abusive.  And I always believed we were equally committed to creating a real marriage so, we would work through these issues.  I was so very wrong.  So very wrong.

Suffice it to say, this article had me sitting with my mouth wide open and nodding my head in acknowledgement.  So much resonates.

Thank God I am getting out of this.  Thank God.

But my question is this:  How in the world do I heal from nearly 10 years of this?  Because although we have separated in our 10th year or marriage, the behavior is continuing.  Without the distractions between us within our home, viewing his interaction with me from without is eye opening.  And it's not just about him being hurt and lashing out.  He lashes out at the slightest provocation.  Or not.  Last week he really got me down with an out-of-left-field email attack.  But no more.  No more.